Kindness evoking Kindness... The Wisdom of Nonaggression
Mar 12, 2021
Saying For Today: When you are kind to the unkind, that is wise. The other may never be kind in return. Yet, you are kind - that is what matters.
'A Road Somewhere In Winter'
Easton, Maine
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Saying: Kindness evokes kindness. Without kindness, there is no path to kindness. Even if we agree or all live under the same roof, calling ourselves friends or family, kindness is absent. Even if someone is unkind to you, you can be kind in return without saying a word about the unkindness. You can elicit kindness in a nonaggressive way. So, to be kind, be kind, then kindness is and comes.
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Sengai (b. 1750), a Japenese Rinzai Zen master, had many meditation students. One would arise at night, climb over the temple wall, and go to town on a pleasure trip. This was not to be done.
Sengai, inspecting the dormitory quarters, saw this student was missing. He saw the high stool the student would use to climb over the wall and back onto the temple grounds. Sengai removed the stool. He waited for the student to come back over the wall.
When the wanderer returned, not knowing that Sengai was in the place of the stool, he put his feet on the master's head and jumped down onto the ground. He was horrified to discover what he had done.
Sengai said, "It is very chilly in the early morning. Do be careful not to catch yourself a cold."
The student never went out at night again.
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Sengai does not voice either agreement or disagreement with the student sneaking out at night, though the behavior was contrary to students' rules. Yet, the student does not want to go out again. Sengai's response was a teaching moment for the student. With few words and no condemnation, Sengai's wisdom worked a conversion in the student's life.
We humans have over-valued criticism, condemnation, and the use of fear to manipulate persons into compliance. Yet, obedience, spiritually, is more than compliance, more than towing-the-line, more than doing what one should do. Obedience is an act of love in response to love. This magic cannot occur through the conventional means of how we treat "offenders."
When younger, I would fight. I mean, I would defend myself through responding to aggression with aggression. I would counter-attack. Yet, what is gained through such aggression? Does anyone win? Humiliating another, does that evoke respect and kindness in return?
Sengai shows us wisdom more evolved than needing to have a winner and a loser when we disagree. He demonstrates kind treatment of others inspires respect in return, not counter-attack, criticism, or making sure someone else knows she is wrong.
When you are kind to the unkind, that is wise. The other may never be kind in return. Yet, you are kind - that is what matters. So, how you act is the point. Tend to that, and all will be well for you. Keep reacting unkindly to unkindness, and the war goes on - no one wins that war, even when one appears to.
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An antidote to unkindness is cultivating the heart of worship. This includes realizing and honoring the worth of the other person. So, if you are unkind to someone, you are violating the Sacred within them. You are mistreating Christ. You are being rude to the Buddha. You are alienating yourself from yourself, for the other is you. You may think you are doing something to the other, but you are, also, being unkind to yourself and dishonoring yourself - and everyone. So, let us cultivate the heart of worship, where worship includes our reverence for all living beings.
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*(C) Brian K. Wilcox, 2021
*Brian's book, An Ache for Union: Poems on Oneness with God through Love, can be ordered through major online booksellers or the publisher AuthorHouse. The book is a collection of poems based on mystical traditions, predominantly Christian and Sufi, with extensive notes on the poetry's teachings and imagery.
